The Day I Gave Up on Facebook

I should have known better. Now I do.

Photo by Anton Be on Unsplash

It was Saturday morning when I saw the news of the US government’s infiltration of Venezuela and the capture of Nicolás Maduro and his wife. I was deeply distressed by this action, though not surprised - the Trump administration seems to cross lines at a steady clip these days - and I posted on Facebook that I was ashamed of my country for taking such a step.

Within hours, the predictable reactions poured into my comments thread. That high school acquaintance who always responds whenever I say anything critical of Trump showed up, right on cue. The former coworker accusing me of “Trump derangement syndrome.” I tried to engage in conversation, to explain my alarm at the administration’s actions. Would we be OK if Russia did this to Ukraine? Or China to Taiwan? Or Iran to Israel? Or, God forbid, what if some bold country did it to the United States?

A friend asked if I was ashamed of the country or just the administration. A fair question. “Both” was my answer. We knew what Trump was and we handed him the keys a second time, after January 6. We as a nation bear responsibility for Trump and his actions. We share in the blame.

The comments that really stung, however, were from two former pastors of mine, men whom I respect deeply, who have given their lives to serve the homeless community in Spokane. One asked how many overdoses I would be OK with. This seemed to me to be uncharacteristically naive, since most overdoses in Spokane are fentanyl-related, and Venezuela has no active role in the manufacture or distribution of fentanyl to the US. Grabbing Maduro won’t prevent a single overdose in Spokane, I’d wager.

The second just called me a “leftist.” Because I disagree with Trump, I cannot be a conservative, or even a moderate. I have to be one of those commies on the left.

I had no desire to argue with these men (or the other commenters), though there were certainly arguments to be made. So I deleted the post yesterday.

Upon reflection, I’ve realized a few things.

First, Facebook (and social media in general) has coarsened the civility of our discourse. We say things in comment threads that we would never say face to face. My pastor friend would never call me a leftist to my face, but on Facebook, all bets are off. (And to be clear, I’m guilty of this too. I did tell one of my commenters “don’t be an idiot” - not the most charitable of takes.)

Second, and related, it is nearly impossible to have a reasoned dialogue - a frank and charitable discussion of matters of importance - on social media. The medium may not be the message, but it certainly taints the message. I am convinced that if social media were to disappear, much of our national division would disappear too.

I want to have reasoned discussions with people, not shouting matches. Posting on Facebook was a mistake, and the results were predictable. I got the shouting match, not the discussion.

And so I have made a decision. I will not make substantive posts on Facebook in 2026. I will not contribute to the shouting match. I will not listen to the siren song of ad hominem attacks or “owning” my interlocutors in comment threads. It’s ultimately dehumanizing, and I want no part of it.

Why not delete my account altogether? Unfortunately, there are many friends that I only have a connection with though social media. Former professors, high school and college friends, distant relatives - people I don’t want to lose contact with entirely. That’s what Facebook is good for, if it is good for anything.

I’ll continue to write on my Substack, and try to elevate the discourse there with thoughtful writing (subscribe if you haven’t!). I’ll link to my articles on Facebook, with the comments turned off. I’m happy to engage with anyone who wants to, but through email or face to face.

And if it lowers the temperature, even a little bit, then I will have done my part.